So far, not good

It’s only the 3rd day of chinese new year and so far it sucks. My luck is getting from bad to worse. And I wonder what did I really do so bad to deserve this. I think I have repeat this sentence many many times. But I guess it will never be answered. I’m just like a puppet being tortured and tortured and no one bothers. I really hate my life. Anyway it’s going to end 4 more years later according to one old man. I’ll be patient. It happens, it’ll happen.

Friday, 13th 2010 marks my so far worst day!

Black Friday was never my thing. I don’t believe it. Only sometimes I thought things happen out of coincidence. But today was different.

1) I lost my ear piece rubber (ya, I know it’s no big deal to anyone out there)

2) During presentation, I was the only one who suffered one old man constant shooting. After taking the gun and shot me, he went away. (ya, no big deal to anyone out there too cause you people don’t get it. so it’s nothing)

3) Went to job interview, boss is not there. So just went there for the sake of leaving my number and went home. (ya, no big deal. It’s just a trip what)

4) During dinner, had food that went bad. (no big deal what, just die only mah)

My mood was never so low. I don’t know what kind of bad luck I had got myself into. Maybe something is following me, throwing me bad lucks since it’s the 7th month (ghost month). OR MAYBE! It’s just my karma. Karma for what, I really don’t know. I thought I had already paid my karma already. OR! Someone up there just isn’t satisfy with me and wants to torture me for the rest of my life. (ya, whatever, I’m dramatic)

FML

I don’t understand my parent seriously. They dote on my brother so much. Give him anything he want. Spoil him. Then he became this person with this character. Doesn’t like to study, me and my sister literally have to force him to do so. And each time, it was painful. Then my dad say we play a part in making him this person too. Then I said, I never dote him that much. I don’t always give him anything, and by that I mean ANYTHING HE WANTS. Then my dad says, because you’re jealous. I feel like dying at that moment. Why do my family members always view me in this manner? What did I really do? Have anyone of them reflect on their actions? If I do the same as them, that will make me guilty. And I don’t, that makes me jealous of my brother? I don’t, for sure 100%.

Instead, I’m jealous of my maid. Have you seen a dad that dotes on a maid more than his own daughter? Have you seen a maid that thinks and act like she’s very important because of praises that she gets? Have you seen a maid that dyes her hair, pierce her ears exactly the same spot as mine cos she says mines beautiful, watch movie?!, wants to get a laptop and iphone?! What makes things worse is no one understand what I’m going through. Even family don’t support and say I’m jealous. Then whatever I said, they’ll say I have prejudice against my maid. Even when things are true. They always side her. I don’t feel like part of the family anymore. I feel like I’m just born to be used and then throw away. I’m deprive from love at home. And I don’t get it anywhere else. Even If i tell anyone

I feel sad to actually say out the bad things about my family, but I really have no one to talk to but to say on this space. This blog is really a place to go where there’s nowhere else to turn to.

☹

I’m stress, I’m tired, I don’t know what’s going on. Why can’t people be more understanding. If you can’t help, then don’t. But on the other hand, don’t try to add more problems for me. You don’t want to give me support, fine! But don’t push me down. I think if I have the guts, I would have disappear from the surface of earth already.

Physical pain ☑

Emotional pain ☑

FML

Why do I have to go through so much pain in my life?

Why do the people I love keeps letting me down?

Why are my family doing this to me?

Why even I have friends around, I feel like there’s no one there for me.

Why do I have to complain or say something for someone to do something?

Why are my concepts getting totally reject?

Why am I doing design when I suck at it?

Why do I feel like I’m really good for nothing?

Why does bad things keep happening to me?

What have I done so wrong in my life to get this kind  of pain?

Why do I still have to show a damn strong front in front of everyone?

Why I feel that I can talk to no one cos I’m scared they’ll critic on the things that I said?

Why make me feel as though the things I’m going through is no big a deal?

What the hell am I living for now?

Nothing is ever going to go well, nothing. I cannot see the brighter side of the life. But I just can’t show that pathetic side of me. My life is so screw.

all not awesome

School is not awesome in every aspect. 3 weeks of schools had pass. But it feels like 3 months to me. Torturing, stressful and very tired. But I know it’s part of the learning process. I can’t help but get very testy nowadays. Somethings I do or say I didn’t mean it, but it just came out. I don’t know what’s going on in my life right now. I feel so alone at times even I have friends surrounding me. It’s not their problem. It’s me I think? I’m not very sure too. I need some spices in my life. It had been dull for years and years.

Sometimes, I tend to blame “someone up there” when things happen in my life. I don’t like the life I’m living right now. The people I met, the things I do, and who I am. But seriously, whose fault could that be? Who is the one that decide your life and the people you meet. Fate? Sometimes, I just think that “someone up there” must have hate me a lot to give me this kind of shit life I’m having. People may not know, but I put on a very very strong front in front of others. Mostly, I would just joke off and laugh off. But am I really happy?  Honestly, I think I have nothing. My existence could mean nothing to anyone. I don’t know. I just feel so unappreciated. I suck at everything.

Maybe it’s because of the stress, I’m blabbering around. But that’s what I feel currently, or should I say its already a period of time? I just need a place to rant it all out. Which this happens to be the perfect place.

YOU’RE BUSTED!

When I Thought I’m Finally Able To Do Something For Studio, BOOM!! Someone Throw A Big Big Rock Onto My Head And Say Wake Up You Idiot, You Are No Where Near.

I’m angry at myself for being such a failure for studio.

you piss me off this time